Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
