So drunk its hurt
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i will never coherently bang her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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