the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
