help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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