My sheets look like a crime scene.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
