She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
