I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Life is so much better after having sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
