dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
