we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
