Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
