I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
