You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
