I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
