life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize