Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize