Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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