I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
