Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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