Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As shirtless as possible
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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