Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
