Nicole vs. Life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
