i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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