the condom got lost in my hair
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
