dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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