whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
