What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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