Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
