after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
