If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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