Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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