When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
love makes seman taste better
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
