i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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