i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im part way to drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
