I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
