Your mouth is God's brothel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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