I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
