Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So much rum. So many feels.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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