I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
