remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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