you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
