Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
