drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Holy shit dude........stairs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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