I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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