So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
