I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
