New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
