Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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