I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
