you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
