I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
