Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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