It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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