living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
