oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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