my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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