I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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