You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
