so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
