I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
