he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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