Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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