Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
