I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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