sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
