Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
