I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
