Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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