i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
