1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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