I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
