no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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