also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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