So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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