My sheets look like a crime scene.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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