Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
