You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
