True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
